OverLabor Day weekend, my husband and I traveled to Lake Powell for a long weekend with his parents. Lake Powell is beautiful. It reminds me of the Grand Canyon (even though I have never seen the Grand Canyon before), but filled with water. When you are on a boat in Lake Powell, you are searching a the little bit of sandy land that you will call home for the next few nights. Other than the small patches of make-shift beach, the rest of the time it feels like you are among the tallest, reddest rocks around.
Typically while we are there the days are lazy and the laughter is abound, echoing off of the tall walls. Just you, your family, and whatever shenanigans you are up to that day. But then there is also me time. There is time of utter quiet and solace in your surroundings. There is time for reflection and just plain time for some good reading. I mean the kind of reading where you get lost in a book and you become a piece of the novel.
During this particular trip, I brought the book Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert. Maybe because I had silence when reading, maybe because I got lost in the words of the book's sections, maybe because something in my heart stirred...no matter what the reasoning, I was changed.
I felt the fear of putting myself out into the world to slowly diminish (not disappear....let's be real) into a piece that no longer controlled what was stopping me from succeeding, which was, ultimately, myself. For years, months, and days, I had been stuck in this trap of I don't have enough time, I lose all of my energy at the day job, I don't know where to start, and what if they figure out I don't know everything? All of these fears that were stopping me from really figuring out what Icould do with these ideas and this "big magic".
Overall, I realized that it didn't matter how long it takes me to reach goals. It doesn't matter if I never reach the goal either, or even if I don't get the result that I imagine. What matters is that you start. What really matters is that you do it for yourself and that flow you find yourself inwhen doing it because it brings meaning into your life.
Sometimes, I think that we need to give ourselves some grace. Give yourself some time to step back and evaluate what your creativity means to you. Are you looking to change a life? Are you looking to change thousands of lives? How does it make you feel to create? It is ok to take your time in this process. It's ok for your journey to not look like anyone else's because your time, creativity, and spirit aren't supposed to be the same as someone else's.
I think realizing that if I follow my own "big magic" then things will fall into place. If people don't like what I put out into the world, that's ok because I will still be ok with me. When we share our hearts it can be very vulnerable, but if we never share our hearts that we may feel constricted and held back - by our own selves.
Give yourself some grace. Find your "big magic" and just see where it takes you this week.